1. Autogynephilia as a Sexual Fetish, Not an Identity
Many detransitioned men describe a pattern in which sexual excitement at the idea of being female began as a private fantasy and was later mistaken for an inner identity. One man explains, “Essentially it’s being aroused by dressing as a female or acting out what are socially agreed-upon feminine characteristics… Since this expression is rooted in sexual arousal it’s really more of a fetish than an identity” – avow0fsilence source [citation:3b53f912-5b77-4722-b41f-68728af516f0]. Recognizing the fetishistic origin helped him separate bedroom excitement from a lifelong need to change his body.
2. The Escalation from Fantasy to Public Life
Several accounts show how the fantasy can grow beyond the bedroom. One detrans man recalls, “It led me down a terrible path when I wished I’d kept it as a silly fantasy vs letting it creep into my life” – WhyAreUAWeirdo source [citation:f38fae31-8d1d-4675-9c0d-3cd17cdbcf79]. Another notes that once the arousal is acted out in daily dress, social media, or public spaces, the person may feel pressure to “complete” the picture with hormones or surgery, even when the original driver was sexual.
3. Misreading Confidence as Proof of Identity
A common rebuttal—“cis people also feel sexy in the mirror”—is challenged by detransitioners who insist that ordinary body confidence is not the same as sexual arousal at the thought of oneself as a woman. “Feeling confident that you’re sexy or pretty… isn’t equivalent to feeling sexually aroused by being a woman” – Appropriate-Most-969 source [citation:ca867b77-08fd-45b3-aacf-6bbd61bb312e]. This distinction helps people question whether their feelings are rooted in self-acceptance or in a sexual script.
4. Non-Medical Paths to Relief
Instead of medical steps, detransitioners found relief in therapy, honest conversation, and expanding their range of gender non-conforming behaviors. One man advises, “It’s okay to enjoy feminine clothes or fantasies without turning them into an identity… You can be a man who likes lace and still be a man” – ToastNeighborBee source [citation:a4a5ce06-437d-4c7c-a6ca-27042480b912]. By separating sexual excitement from self-definition, they reclaimed comfort in their bodies without lifelong medical commitments.
Conclusion
The shared stories reveal that intense sexual fantasies about being female can feel like an identity, yet they often stem from a fetish rather than an innate sense of self. Naming the fetish, talking openly, and embracing gender non-conformity—without medical transition—offered these individuals clarity, self-acceptance, and peace.