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what is misgendering?


Questions and answers for people who are questioning their gender identity.


What is misgendering?

Misgendering is when someone uses pronouns or gendered language that does not align with how a person identifies or presents themselves. From the perspective of detransitioned individuals, this experience carries unique emotional weight.

The Core Harm: Disrespect for Boundaries
Detransitioned people emphasize that the real offense lies not in the specific words used, but in the disregard for personal boundaries. As one detransitioned male explained, "it is a disrespect when you ask someone to do something and they willfully ignore it... I wouldn't want to be friends with a person who put their own opinions over my boundaries." - throwaway10327591 source [citation:ba445fdb-9cf2-4699-b9f1-31b806982333]

Emotional Impact After Detransition
For those who have detransitioned, being misgendered often feels like being called a liar for simply living as their biological sex. A detransitioned woman shared, "Being misgendered after detransitioning fucking sucks because it feels like being called a liar for just living as your sex... I realized I had caused myself so much discomfort and anxiety obsessing about passing over nothing." - Lurkersquid source [citation:109fa080-96ce-4f25-82c6-ba9497e135d6]

Non-Malicious Reasons for Misgendering
Many detransitioned individuals note that misgendering often occurs non-maliciously. People may misgender out of habit, confusion, or even misplaced politeness—assuming someone is trans and trying to be considerate. One woman observed, "I think a lot of the time I get called 'he' it's because people assume I'm trans and are trying to be considerate rather than because they actually think I'm male." - e-cryptid source [citation:f9e37a13-4602-4a2b-8c61-ee808f4b544e]

Focus on Authenticity Over Labels
Ultimately, detransitioned individuals stress that what matters most is authentic self-understanding rather than external validation through language. As one person reflected, "maybe we should spend more time worrying about who we really are as people rather than what we should be labeled as. Just be." - Axenus source [citation:2f91248d-74a2-45a2-89ed-dc1d53087476]

The truth is that gender non-conformity will set us all free!

More questions related to "what is misgendering?"


Top Picks

Some great starter questions to ask detrans people...

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What's an egg?

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Is gender a social construct?

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I didn't choose to be trans!

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What is a belief system?

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What is an identity trap?

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How can I get out of an identity trap?

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How can I help someone else get out of an identity trap?

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What is the difference between sex and gender?

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How is cancel culture harmful?

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Does transition ever end?

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Why do some women hate their breasts?

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How do online echo chambers cause psychosis?

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Why do detrans voices get silenced?

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Is gender ideology at odds with the goals of feminism?

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What are the main reasons that women adpot trans identity?

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What are the main reasons that men adopt trans identity?

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How do non-binary identities re-inforce sexist stereotypes and roles?

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Why do people identify vaguely as queer now?

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How does LGB differ from the T?

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Is there a link between autism and transgender identity?

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Is gender-affirming care based on science?

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Why is gender-affirming care currently considered the only solution to dysphoria?

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Is academic research on trans and gender topics biased?

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Is teaching gender ideology to kids progressive?

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Is gender ideology fuelling a culture war?

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Is the culture war preventing humanity from solving real problems?

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Why do some refer to gender ideology as a mind virus?

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Why are the rates of people who identify as trans increasing?

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Is the trans suicide rate possibly mis-represented?

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Why do some trans people say 'death before detransition'?

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Why is gender dysphoria no longer treated as a mental health issue?

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Why are there so many ladyboys in Thailand?

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Why is Iran a global hub for transgender surgeries?

General Terms

Understanding the fundamental concepts

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What is a man?

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What is a woman?

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What is gender?

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What's an egg?

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What are pronouns?

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What are trans rights?

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What is cancel culture?

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What is dysphoria?

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What causes dysphoria?

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What is the gender dysphoria bible?

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How can I overcome dysphoria?

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What is transgender identity?

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What is transphobia?

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What is non-binary identity?

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What is queer identity?

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What is personality?

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What is gender non-conformity (GNC)?

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What is detransitioning?

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What is desisting?

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Are intersex people trans?

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What is gender fluidity?

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What does AFAB/AMAB mean?

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What is a TERF?

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What is deadnaming?

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What is misgendering?

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What is a cisgender person?

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What is biological sex?

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What is social transition vs medical transition?

The Medical Reality

Health, procedures, and biological truths

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Can humans change sex?

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What are the health risks of hormones?

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Should I get off hormones?

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What is vaginoplasty?

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What is phalloplasty?

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Can I undo phalloplasty?

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Can I undo vaginoplasty?

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Should everyone else have to pay for transgender surgeries?

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I had a double masectomy, should I get breast implants?

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Should I get facial reconstruction surgery?

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Why are hormones often prescribed before a single therapy session?

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What is the science behind gender affirming care?

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Does unrestricted access to hormones and surgeries provide good outcomes?

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What are puberty blockers and are they reversible?

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What happened to the light in my eyes?

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What are the long-term effects of cross-sex hormones?

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What are the WPATH Standards of Care?

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Are the WPATH Standards of Care based on science?

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What is the Dutch Protocol?

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What is rapid-onset gender dysphoria (ROGD)?

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What are the regret rates for gender surgeries?

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What is gender exploratory therapy?

Society & Culture

How gender beleif systems affects us all

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What are the transition rates for men vs women?

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Why is the trans suicide rate so high?

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Is being trans a mental illness?

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Is the trans suicide rate mis-represented?

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What does it mean to be gender critical?

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Do suicides based on regret get blamed on social acceptance?

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How does the trans community use mantras?

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Does the trans community encourage suicide?

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Does society believe that gender is a social construct?

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Does gender ideology affect society?

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What's the difference between being a tomboy and transgender?

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Are there male brains and female brains?

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Where did the term gender come from?

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Why are autistic people overrepresented in the trans community?

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How is gender ideology at odds with homosexual identities?

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How is gender ideology at odds with heterosexual identities?

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Did gender activists hijack the gay rights movement?

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How is gender ideology at odds with the goals of feminism?

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Is it beneficial to teach the idea that you can change sex to children?

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Do children ever grow up to regret transitioning at such a young age?

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What are the effects the transgender movement has on our wider society?

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Is gender ideology fuelling a culture war?

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Does transgender ideology contradict itself?

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Why are so many people identifying as trans or non-binary now? Is it a trend?

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Is it common for friends of trans people to become trans too?

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What is the bathroom debate about?

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What are trans rights vs women's rights conflicts?

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What is the sports participation controversy?

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What is the medicalization of gender non-conforming children?

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What is the history of trans activism?

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What do detrans people think about drag queen story hours?

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What is the difference between gender and sex?

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Why are there so many ladyboys in Thailand?

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Why is Iran a global hub for transgender surgeries?

Psychology & Identity

Understanding the mental and emotional aspects

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What is internalised misogyny?

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What is internalised misandry?

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What is internalised homophobia?

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What is autogynephilia?

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What is gender euphoria?

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What is a belief system?

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What is an identity trap?

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Does transition ever end?

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What is body dysmorphia vs gender dysphoria?

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What is the role of social media in trans identification?

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What is the impact of pornography on gender identity?

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What is the impact of trauma on gender identity?

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Are trans people living authentically?

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Can you be a woman if you're not 'feminine'?

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Can you be a man if you're not 'masculine'?

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Why do some women hate their breasts?

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What is the neurochemical cycle of validation?

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What causes some gender non-conforming people to adopt trans identity?

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Do some homosexual people transition to get access to heterosexual people?

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How do I know if I have internalised a victim mentality?

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Why do some people think that trans identity is a choice?

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What are a persons options with how they deal with dysphoria?

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What are the stages that lead to an obsession with 'passing'?

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What are the Jungian perspectives on transgender identity?

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What role do the anima and animus play in transgender identity?

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What unconcious shadows are playing out in people who transition?

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What is shadow work?

The Detransition Journey

Healing, support, and finding your way back

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Am I a failure if I detransition?

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How can I help someone who believes they were born in the wrong body?

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I want to detransition, where do I start?

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How did I fall into an identity trap in the first place?

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How can I get out of an identity trap?

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How can understanding the struggles of the other sex help me heal?

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What is gender exploratory therapy?

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What is CBT therapy?

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What is DBT therapy?

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How can I make peace with the changes I have made to my body?

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How can I learn to love myself and my unique personality, and find my inner peace?

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Why do trans people encourage other trans people not to read detransition stories?

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Why do detrans people get silenced from trans communities and wider society?

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Why do trans people tell detransitioners that they have internalised transphobia?

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How can I help others question the validity of their transgender identity?

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I think my friends will 'cancel' me for detransitioning!

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How do I find a therapist who supports detransition?

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How can I find a gender exploratory therapist?

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How do I tell my family I'm detransitioning?

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What support groups exist for detransitioners?

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How do I deal with shame about detransitioning?

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How do I rebuild my life after detransition?

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What are the stages of grief in detransition?

Academic & Research Bias

Questioning the narrative in institutions

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Is academic research on trans and gender topics biased?

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Why is it so hard to find a gender critical therapist?

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Why was gender dysphoria removed from list of mental health disorders?

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What is the Cass Review?

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What happened to Lisa Littman's research?

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What are the methodological flaws in the 2015 detransition survey?

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Why are detransition studies so controversial?

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What is the Tavistock scandal?

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Why are researchers afraid to study detransition?

The Controversial Truth

Detrans perspectives that gender activists really don't want you to hear

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Why do some people call the trans movement a cult?

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Why do some people call the trans movement a mind virus?

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Are gender beliefs similar to religious beliefs?

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What is the connection between trans activism and pharmaceutical companies?

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Is there a financial incentive to promote transition?

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Why are detransitioners silenced in mainstream media?

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What is the role of schools in promoting gender ideology?

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Are parents being replaced by the state when it comes to gender decisions?